A New Direction - Soap

Henceforth I shall cease to bless you with my verbose grumblings and continue along a different path, namely where I shall endeavour to write as much as I can about a word or phrase that I am given or find interesting.
Today: Soap.
Soap is something that could be in much greater use than it is currently. The number of people who stink is disgusting. Washing, ladies and gents, is not a huge task. You never know, you may even enjoy it. However, a little history for you:
Soap was first used by the ancient Babylonians who were of the opinion that it was the substance from which man was created. The last great king of the Babylonian empire – Anush the Aromatic – declared that soap was a national delicacy and so should be consumed with special meals as the national dish. Such was his fascination for the substance that, in his later years he decreed that every one of his subjects be issued with soap daily and scrub themselves with it. Tragically this caused the death of his daughter, Brugat, who suffered from severe skin irritations due to the soap resulting in her death age 5. In his later years, driven mad by the loss of his daughter Anush attempted to have a soap solution injected under the skin in an early type of tattoo. This resulted in his skin peeling and turning red, he was then known as Anush the Ablaze.
The colour of soap has great significance. Thatcher once attempted to pass a law banning the use of pink soap by men as she felt it encouraged the trade unions to rebel owing to its obvious socialist leanings. The Russians felt in the early 1900s that being clean was the role of the woman and as such it was not the business of a true man to smell hygienic. They thought that scent was a reflection of one’s social standing as one needed to be clean to have a job. Tragically this stance is now deemed unfashionable.
Like Korean casserole, soap is commonly made of the forgotten bits of small creatures. There has been a movement in the animal rights lobby to change this following evidence that the creatures were not given a choice in the matter. The soap brand Dove is so named because it was made following the gallant campaigning of a famed pigeon who fought to keep the soap industry clean. Dove made of plant matter and minerals entirely and was the first soap to make this leap.
Soap makes foam from which fairies come from until someone denies their existence and they die, so said J.M. Barrie. Barrie, curiously did not believe in fairies and it is thought that the Madju Fairie clan died entirely as a result of his exclamations. This may, however, emerge not to be true. Indeed, many terrorist groups are also seeking to take the credit for ridding the world of these lovely creatures.
Soap is also used as a lubricant, which is to say that it is commonly used when easing beached whales off Welsh beaches. Entire villages turned out to soap the whales which – biologists suggest – began deliberately beaching themselves as they so enjoyed the treatment. This practice had to stop however following claims by newspapers that there were a minority of people who, with some sick sense of humour, thought it amusing to lubricate the whales with oil got from actual whale blubber that they shipped in from Japan.
So I shall conclude by mentioning a final soap based fact: of all the criminals who have committed soap based robberies none have actually made a clean getaway, despite what popular stories may tell us. I shall also add that I cannot tell you how much of this is fact as I can’t remember.