A New Direction - Soap

Henceforth I shall cease to bless you with my verbose grumblings and continue along a different path, namely where I shall endeavour to write as much as I can about a word or phrase that I am given or find interesting.
Today: Soap.
Soap is something that could be in much greater use than it is currently. The number of people who stink is disgusting. Washing, ladies and gents, is not a huge task. You never know, you may even enjoy it. However, a little history for you:
Soap was first used by the ancient Babylonians who were of the opinion that it was the substance from which man was created. The last great king of the Babylonian empire – Anush the Aromatic – declared that soap was a national delicacy and so should be consumed with special meals as the national dish. Such was his fascination for the substance that, in his later years he decreed that every one of his subjects be issued with soap daily and scrub themselves with it. Tragically this caused the death of his daughter, Brugat, who suffered from severe skin irritations due to the soap resulting in her death age 5. In his later years, driven mad by the loss of his daughter Anush attempted to have a soap solution injected under the skin in an early type of tattoo. This resulted in his skin peeling and turning red, he was then known as Anush the Ablaze.
The colour of soap has great significance. Thatcher once attempted to pass a law banning the use of pink soap by men as she felt it encouraged the trade unions to rebel owing to its obvious socialist leanings. The Russians felt in the early 1900s that being clean was the role of the woman and as such it was not the business of a true man to smell hygienic. They thought that scent was a reflection of one’s social standing as one needed to be clean to have a job. Tragically this stance is now deemed unfashionable.
Like Korean casserole, soap is commonly made of the forgotten bits of small creatures. There has been a movement in the animal rights lobby to change this following evidence that the creatures were not given a choice in the matter. The soap brand Dove is so named because it was made following the gallant campaigning of a famed pigeon who fought to keep the soap industry clean. Dove made of plant matter and minerals entirely and was the first soap to make this leap.
Soap makes foam from which fairies come from until someone denies their existence and they die, so said J.M. Barrie. Barrie, curiously did not believe in fairies and it is thought that the Madju Fairie clan died entirely as a result of his exclamations. This may, however, emerge not to be true. Indeed, many terrorist groups are also seeking to take the credit for ridding the world of these lovely creatures.
Soap is also used as a lubricant, which is to say that it is commonly used when easing beached whales off Welsh beaches. Entire villages turned out to soap the whales which – biologists suggest – began deliberately beaching themselves as they so enjoyed the treatment. This practice had to stop however following claims by newspapers that there were a minority of people who, with some sick sense of humour, thought it amusing to lubricate the whales with oil got from actual whale blubber that they shipped in from Japan.
So I shall conclude by mentioning a final soap based fact: of all the criminals who have committed soap based robberies none have actually made a clean getaway, despite what popular stories may tell us. I shall also add that I cannot tell you how much of this is fact as I can’t remember.

Ginger Beer:

The older, more popular, generally more respected brother of Ginger Ale.

Thought for the day

Lots of people think that they are unique in their thinking. By thinking that they are conformist idiots.

Goodness me! I'm right...

I have spent a long time working out what I may possibly write here. Three times I have open this page and looked at that daunting box which reads 'Title'. What a frightening and hideous word. It means 'If you want to write something here by all means do so but remember that you have to be able to summarise everything that you have written into this little box and in doing so ruin the eloquence and verbose delight of your beautiful prose (or poetry if that's your thing)'. Although that wouldn't fit so 'Title' will have to suffice.

As I was saying, I have began writing something many times only to realise that I didn't have anything in particular to be writing about. There was nothing I felt strongly enough about to write angrily of and there was nothing that I found so deeply amusing that I felt I had to share with all of my inattentive audience - and by inattentive I do of course mean non-existent. I have, however realised that having something to write about is not something that I should let bother me. I have been perusing a few blogs in search of inspiration and realised that most people have so little going on in their lives that they write about their mundane and empty lives. Well, I thought I would jump on this dire and depressing bandwagon of boredom and tell you all about what I think of the insignificant facts that these people seek to share. Although I don't want you to think that I have nothing but scorn for them. I don't. I have a fair amount of pity for them too. However, I dare say they're nice people or, failing that, that their mother loves them. Or, indeed, if that is not so then they are probably humanoid in appearance. I'm sure that one of these statements is true.

I was reading a blog in which the writer proudly announced that they have 'just done some washing'. Now, they didn't specify whether the washing in question was clothing, dishes or themselves however regardless of which of the now-clean items it was my response is the same - 'I really do not care even the tiniest bit you miserable creature'. I am not sure what the person wished to achieve. Were they expecting praise? Thanks? Both? 'Hey sweetie, You're a star. I'm so proud of you. Love Mum'. If so why not just tell mum? I'm sure she is in the vicinity or if not wait until you see her. She is really the only person who will care. You will not get a message saying 'Hey. Umm, you don't know me but I just wanted to let you know how proud myself and my family are of you. It's people like you that ensure society functions properly'. NO!

Summary: I don't care if you've washed. I only care if you haven't washed and if you haven't then keep it to yourself and go an take a shower. Thanks.

Psychology - Is it a Science? Do we care?

Something that is really 'getting my goat' at the moment is the determination of the exam boards to make us all experts in trivia.

Psychology. This is a subject with a great deal of value to the lives of many people. However it also entangles itself in an awful lot of rubbish. 'Is Psychology a science?'. I have recently been asked to write an essay with this title and have come readily to the conclusion that, not only do I not care, the entire subject is contrived and of very little relevance to my life. Certainly I like to know that people are out there to tell me that my handwriting is redolent of someone who suffered a confused and perplexing childhood. Somehow I can draw great comfort from that fact. However I care very little for this knowledge myself. I do prefer to have a brain full of facts that I may actually use at some point in my life.

Like cooking an egg. A useful skill to have, yes? Raw eggs are unpleasant, you can scramble it as much as you like but it really is not much good until you have cooked it. Another useful skill is being able to hem trousers. I have used this skill only once in my life however I am safe in the knowledge that, should anyone have an emergency in which either their legs get shorter or their trousers longer, I am able to assist and raise the hem of their trousers to such a degree that no longer are they a health and safety risk. I say that like I care about health and safety. I don't. I don't think anyone with a mind has actually cared about health and safety ever. I find the risk that you may drown in a goldfish bowl a thrill and don't feel it necessary for a life belt to be positioned on the wall lest I fall in a die which lacks plausibility as a scenario somehow.

However, to the point! Psychology is, and I apologise to anyone who thinks otherwise, a limited subject. Foolishly I thought it to be a subject of possibilities where I could finally discover why my brother is so obnoxious which is why I elected to study it. Regrettably I was wrong. It turns out that my brother is obnoxious because he has genes from my parents (neither of whom are obnoxious), he loves my mother (which is just odd) and he perceives that there is some award to be gained from being obnoxious (which there isn't. Rather I highlight to him at every opportunity that being obnoxious is not clever, cool, funny, interesting, attractive, quirky, or 'mysterious')

So, my demands for the world of psychology: I entirely respect that you are doing great things with your research into illnesses such as schizophrenia. That is all well and good. However it is utterly meaningless to consider questions like 'Is Psychology a science?', that is on a par with 'Is God a penguin?'. Certainly you can explore the possible answers to both of these questions but does it ultimately have any relevance to my life, your life or the life of the penguin that is alleged to be God? What is a relevent question is 'Is Psychology of value in our culture and era?'. The answer to this would most certainly be yes and I do not dispute this. What I do ask though is that the time I am required to spend on Psychology is spent doing something that may be of value at some point in my life. I do not care if it is a science. I do not care if it a dance. I do not care if it is the next instalment of the Harry Potter saga. All I am required to do is learn it. Is that not enough?