Psychology - Is it a Science? Do we care?

Something that is really 'getting my goat' at the moment is the determination of the exam boards to make us all experts in trivia.

Psychology. This is a subject with a great deal of value to the lives of many people. However it also entangles itself in an awful lot of rubbish. 'Is Psychology a science?'. I have recently been asked to write an essay with this title and have come readily to the conclusion that, not only do I not care, the entire subject is contrived and of very little relevance to my life. Certainly I like to know that people are out there to tell me that my handwriting is redolent of someone who suffered a confused and perplexing childhood. Somehow I can draw great comfort from that fact. However I care very little for this knowledge myself. I do prefer to have a brain full of facts that I may actually use at some point in my life.

Like cooking an egg. A useful skill to have, yes? Raw eggs are unpleasant, you can scramble it as much as you like but it really is not much good until you have cooked it. Another useful skill is being able to hem trousers. I have used this skill only once in my life however I am safe in the knowledge that, should anyone have an emergency in which either their legs get shorter or their trousers longer, I am able to assist and raise the hem of their trousers to such a degree that no longer are they a health and safety risk. I say that like I care about health and safety. I don't. I don't think anyone with a mind has actually cared about health and safety ever. I find the risk that you may drown in a goldfish bowl a thrill and don't feel it necessary for a life belt to be positioned on the wall lest I fall in a die which lacks plausibility as a scenario somehow.

However, to the point! Psychology is, and I apologise to anyone who thinks otherwise, a limited subject. Foolishly I thought it to be a subject of possibilities where I could finally discover why my brother is so obnoxious which is why I elected to study it. Regrettably I was wrong. It turns out that my brother is obnoxious because he has genes from my parents (neither of whom are obnoxious), he loves my mother (which is just odd) and he perceives that there is some award to be gained from being obnoxious (which there isn't. Rather I highlight to him at every opportunity that being obnoxious is not clever, cool, funny, interesting, attractive, quirky, or 'mysterious')

So, my demands for the world of psychology: I entirely respect that you are doing great things with your research into illnesses such as schizophrenia. That is all well and good. However it is utterly meaningless to consider questions like 'Is Psychology a science?', that is on a par with 'Is God a penguin?'. Certainly you can explore the possible answers to both of these questions but does it ultimately have any relevance to my life, your life or the life of the penguin that is alleged to be God? What is a relevent question is 'Is Psychology of value in our culture and era?'. The answer to this would most certainly be yes and I do not dispute this. What I do ask though is that the time I am required to spend on Psychology is spent doing something that may be of value at some point in my life. I do not care if it is a science. I do not care if it a dance. I do not care if it is the next instalment of the Harry Potter saga. All I am required to do is learn it. Is that not enough?